btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
