Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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