i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
