He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
