I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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