I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
