You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dicks are not precious.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
