**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
