so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
