omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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