She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's blow job season.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
