Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
