last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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