Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
