If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
