sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
