So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
