I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
