you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
