The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
