I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
