I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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