bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
