I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
