We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
