I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
