Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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