I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
