covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
