Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
