I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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