remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
