i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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