It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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