Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
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We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize