i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Vodka?
Forever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
