Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
