dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
