Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
