so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
40s are totally the cure
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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