im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
