Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
