if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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