Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
