Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
