she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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