When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
