Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
