I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
