When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
