you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
