i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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