I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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