I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
