We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
