You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize