Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
