Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
