We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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