In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
