you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
