Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
