I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
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I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
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it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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