Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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