this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
