I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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