I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
