did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
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I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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