Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
