she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
