wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
