Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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