Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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