nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
